RESOLVING CONFLICTS CONSTRUCTIVELY WITH MEDIATION

By Mary Kay Turner

Conflict is a fact of life for everyone. We find conflicts in our homes, in our jobs, in our communities, in the places we worship, and even in volunteering to help other people. Sometimes it seems that we are minding our own business, and conflict finds us.

Often conflict is a result of too many people wanting limited resources. Or conflict may happen as a result of misunderstanding or miscommunication. Even when we speak the same language, I might have a different understanding of a word someone says to me. When I speak, another person hearing the words I say might find them offensive though I think they are innocent. With all the possibilities of problems in communicating, it seems amazing that we communicate as well as we do. It is always important to speak respectfully to people and check that we understand each other.

When a conflict between two people escalates to the point that they find it difficult to talk with each other civilly, there are options. In some cases they can avoid dealing with the conflict by avoiding each other, or they can communicate through other people. If they have to work with each other, they can consult lawyers for a considerable fee, or they can contact Mediation Services of Adams County (MSAC) or another group that provides mediation.

There are a number of advantages to using mediation to resolve conflicts. With MSAC, one big advantage is the price. The fees are set up on a sliding scale based on the annual income for each person for each 2-3-hour session (up to $15,000—$10.00 fee;
$15,001 to $30,000—$20.00 fee; $30,001 to $50,000—$40.00 fee; more than $50,000—$60.00 fee). A client once reported paying a lot of money to a lawyer without making any progress and then getting more done to resolve the conflict with mediation at a much lower cost.

Another big advantage is that in mediation we work together on solving the problem, not attacking each other, but always speaking respectfully to and about everyone in the room. We model and teach listening, clarifying, restating, and other communication skills. We work to preserve the relationship, which is especially important in family and work conflicts where life is much better for everyone involved when they continue to relate positively with each other. Recently a client said, “We have started to communicate better and are currently talking. We appreciate your help for getting us on the same page.”

A third advantage is that the people in conflict resolve the situation in ways that work best for them rather than someone else determining the resolution for them. Also, MSAC works with clients to schedule mediations at times convenient for them, including evening and weekend times.

Knowing that conflict is a normal and natural part of our lives, it makes sense to find a way to grow and learn as we work to improve our lives and our relationships while we resolve our conflicts.

To contact MSAC, call 717-334-7312, email mediationac@yahoo.com, or check out our website http://mediateadams.org to learn more about mediation or to schedule a mediation for help resolving conflicts with family members, neighbors, contractors, landlords, etc. for an economical fee based on income.