A Resolution Worth Keeping
By Janet M. Powers
January 16, 2021
At the end of our 22-hour Conflict Resolution Training, MSAC offers a tongue-in-cheek description of a good mediator. He/she should have a hard head, big ears, clear eyes, a small mouth, a big heart, a big bladder, and big feet planted firmly on the ground. To that, I would add patience because disputants often wrangle for a while before one or the other sees that an impasse can be broken by pursuing a different option.
Inventing options for mutual gain is a major principle of both negotiation and mediation. When two parties are fixed on their respective positions and won’t budge, the deal is going nowhere or the problem remains. Once a new avenue opens up on one side, the knot loosens and a way forward becomes possible.
Mediators are not supposed to be problem-solvers or fixers. Rather, they are facilitators, there to help the respective parties see their dilemma clearly and consider all the options. A conflict coach does much the same thing and can be helpful when an individual isn’t certain how to deal with a long-term dispute or the other party doesn’t want to come to the table. Often, though, a mediator or conflict coach may offer a little nudge by asking leading questions.
Many of us have been forced into inventing new options during the COVID pandemic. The key principle in case of conflict resolution, however, is that these should be options for mutual gain. Everyone should benefit from the solution. We’re not there yet as a society. In fact, we seem to have totally abandoned the notion of the common good that inspired America when I was growing up in the 50’s.
Just why the ideal of the common good disappeared is unclear. Some attribute it to the pursuit of wealth that didn’t trickle down but instead created a two-tier economy like that of a third world country. Others point to increased militarism abroad, hard-nosed policing at home and video games focused on obliteration. The recent election polarized us further, evoking hate on social media and unneighborly neighbors.
Most of us long for a better time when we felt comfortable borrowing a cup of sugar or didn’t have to worry about eviction or meeting a mortgage payment. In fact, that yearning led many to the slogan Make America Great Again. The problem with MAGA, however, were the means employed to achieve that: egotism, falsehood, selfishness. And here we are, infecting each other right and left because we are doggedly pursuing “Me First.”
It will be a while before enough people get the COVID vaccine and we can acquire herd immunity. In the meantime, we must resolve to seek options for mutual gain by pursuing personal compromise: i.e. partially sacrifice individual needs in order to keep others safe. Consistently thinking about how our actions affect others is the only way out of the mess we’re in now. If enough of us do that, we may truly be able to recognize the common good once again. It’s a New Year’s resolution worth keeping!
This entry was posted in Posts on January 16, 2021.