Healthy Communication in a Time of Much Division
Mary Kay Turner
March 2021
People in our country are divided. For much of U.S. history most politicians, both Democratic and Republican, had friends in and respected the people of the other party. They also believed and agreed on the truth. About 40 years ago a few loud politicians took extreme positions and began declaring that all politicians who disagreed with them were evil. Disrespect grew and so did division in Congress. It got so bad that some politicians were so disrespectful as to say their goal was to obstruct policies of a president of the other party that could help American people. What has happened that legislators refuse to work together for the good of all the citizens of America?
Unfortunately this lack of respect for other people and for the truth has spread from Congress and state legislatures to divide neighbors, friends, and even families. This can make for uncomfortable conversations and tense holidays.
How can we communicate better with people who have different ideas and beliefs? We need to understand that words are important, that words convey and cause feelings, and can have consequences. Beware of labeling a group of people as bad while implying or outright stating that your group is good. In mediations people sign an agreement to mediate. One of the rules is to speak respectfully to everyone involved. Mediators look for areas where disputants agree. A good way to start any challenging conversation is to talk about experiences and ideas about which people agree. Avoid demeaning words and have a friendly attitude. Speak in a calm voice, not too loudly. Lowering the volume can help ease tension.
It is good to consider viewpoints other than your own, not to be persuaded, but to learn how another person views the situation. Look for information about specific incidents as well as the overall situation. We know that social media use algorithms to show us groups that agree with ideas we have expressed. So we may need to intentionally seek other viewpoints.
Sometimes the conversation may not go well. You can model stating facts and invite a friend to look at your statements. It is often good to ask questions to help a person think about statements that don’t seem to align with facts. If you are concerned about the truth of something that was said, you could ask about the source of the information. You can suggest places to check facts, like Politifact, Snopes, or Factcheck.org.
You or someone with whom you disagree may get defensive, and the discussion may deteriorate. It may be time to take a break or to “agree to disagree” on some points.
We need to recognize that recent events have had a polarizing effect in our society and tend to challenge the limits of our comfort with some people. Regardless of our comfort we need to respect the humanity of all the people in the world, for we are all in this together.
Check our website, http://mediateadams.org, email mediationac@yahoo.com, or call 717-334-7312. You can learn more about mediation or schedule a mediation for help in resolving conflicts. Fees are economical, based on income. Mary Kay Turner is a retired teacher, who is a board member, mediator, and trainer for MSAC.