Finding the Courage to Mediate

It’s not the easy way to solve problems because it requires sitting down with your adversary and working things out.  No, it would be easier to hire a lawyer and spend big bucks to come out a winner, although that’s not guaranteed.   Or you could go on fuming and fussing as the problem gets bigger and bigger and things eventually get out of hand. The up-front way to deal with that thorn in your side is to try mediation. 

Describe your problem to the Intake Coordinator at Mediation Services, and she will tell you whether your situation is appropriate for mediation.  If it is, she will then contact the other party and invite that person to mediate at a time and place agreeable to you both.  A neutral mediator, or maybe two, will help you address the problem in a way that satisfies both parties – no winner, no loser, but problem solved in the best way possible: a signed agreement.

But why does that take courage?  First of all, it’s unfamiliar to many of us, but it shouldn’t be. Mediation arrived on the scene back in the seventies when it became clear that children of divorce were winners if their parents chose mediation rather than anger. Mediation soon became an important tool for human resource managers, neighborhood associations and family courts because it changed lives.

Mediation also takes courage because you must face your adversary, in the company of another person, and confront the issue head on. You’ve argued about this problem for a long time, shouted at each other, or threatened vile actions, and now you have to sit down and face that person?  The mediator will be there to keep order, make sure you don’t interrupt each other, and help you focus on the task.  It’s easier to deal with the barking dog, unwelcome harassment or a disputed property line when a mediator guides the conversation.

Mediation requires courage to take apart a problem and analyze it, something that few of us do in the heat of anger.  But you don’t have to do that by yourself.  The mediator is there to ask leading questions, reframe confusing statements, or prod you into discovering new solutions.  It’s easier to think outside the box when someone encourages you to do just that.  Mediators are trained to push and pull you toward mutually solving your problem, but they are never “fixers.”

Mediation involves the courage to compromise, even if you swore you never would.  We see how difficult it is for Congress agree on key legislation, so it’s clear how important compromise can be. When you sit down with a mediator, you and your adversary will be urged to pinpoint what is most important to you both. When you focus on what matters, some of your other demands fall away. In mediation, it’s possible to let them go and feel good about it.

To find out how mediation can help you solve a problem with an elderly relative, a difficult neighbor or a shoddy contractor, call the MSAC Help Line at 717-334-7312.  More information is available on our website in archived articles on many subjects dealing with conflict resolution: www.mediateadams.org You can also meet us at the Adams County Heritage Festival on Sept. 19 from noon until four at the Gettysburg Rec Park.

Janet M. Powers is Presiding Officer of Mediation Services and Professor Emerita at Gettysburg College.