Give the Gift of Civility
Give the Gift of Civility
In a season built around generosity, we put a lot of thought into the gifts we give. But one of the gifts most needed this year isn’t something you can buy: civility. Not the polite smile you force in the grocery store, or the “be nice” tone we take with children. Real civility changes the temperature in a conversation, shifts how people engage with one another, and keeps communities functioning.
Think about the way we communicate now. How many times have you watched someone “tell it like it is,” or rather, say whatever comes to mind, with no pause and no filter? How often have you caught yourself doing it? We live in a culture that rewards speed, outrage, and the sharpest comeback. But we rarely stop to ask a simple question: At what cost? What is the impact on a community when speaking first and thinking later becomes the norm?
Civility is not the same as agreement. It’s not the same as being passive or pretending everything is fine. Civility is about making enough room for another person’s experience to exist alongside your own. It’s the decision to slow down long enough to understand, not necessarily accept, what someone is trying to say.
At Mediation Services of Adams County Inc, we see how conversations break down even when people care about the outcome. The issue isn’t usually the topic. It’s the pace, the pressure, and the way the exchange tightens too quickly. Misunderstandings stack up. Assumptions rush in. Tone becomes the whole story. And beneath it all sits a familiar tension: Are we hearing one another, or just trying to survive the moment?
You’ve seen this in your own life. A text that came across sharper than you meant. A social media thread that spiraled. A family discussion that derailed because someone jumped in too fast. We all know what it feels like to hit that wall. So, here’s the real question: What would it look like to do it differently this season?
What if you asked one more question before reacting?
What if you paused long enough to understand, instead of planning your next sentence?
What if you treated someone’s feelings as real simply because they are real to them?
None of these choices are dramatic, but they absolutely change the outcome of conversations. They create the conditions for clarity instead of conflict. They remind people that Adams County is a community, not a collection of competing monologues.
Civility won’t erase disagreement — and it doesn’t need to. Disagreement is part of community life. Hostility isn’t. The difference comes down to how we treat one another in the moments when we don’t see things the same way.
This Christmas, consider giving a gift that has no expiration date. A gift that strengthens families, workplaces, neighborhoods, and our community.
Give the gift of civility.
Mediation Services of Adams County (MSAC) has specially trained mediators available to help you work through conflicts for an economical fee based on income. Call or text 717-334-7312, email at mediationac@yahoo.com, www.mediateadams.org.
Patti Robinson is President of the Board of MSAC and has 15 years of experience in transformative mediation.